Everything's An Illusion

Wow, two blog posts in two days. #newrecord. << I should probably leave the hashtags to Twitter. Sorry, #habit. Oops :)
Anywhoooo, I seem to have kind of started my blog off a different way than most people would. So I'm gonna kinda go backwards here and do an "About Me" post now.

1. Da first ting you should know is dat I am exactly like my blog.

In other words, I don't usually do things how "normal" people would do them, or most people I should say. I like to be utterly unique. But not like a Lady Gaga unique, that's just crossing a line.. But yes, I've always been weird and different, which explains my lack of friends. Its hard to find people who share your same weirdness. I have stumbled upon a few though (:

2. My personality could be summed up by saying I have many different personalities..

Kinda creepy sounding, but I don't know how else to put it! Its like, I have a little bit of every personality trait in me. It all depends on my mood, who I'm with, and what we're doing. Most people only see what they wanna see in me, and hey, I get it. But clearly they've only seen the bad parts then (probably because there are a lot). Bashing myself on my own blog? Welp its just like Lindsay Lohan on Saturday Night Live last week when she was totally making fun of all the things that's been going on in her life. Sometimes, you just gotta admit the truth and accept it.

3. Which brings me to my next point.

I am a surprisingly honest person. I just never see the point in lying. That has also cost me a few friends... but I don't want to be known as a liar. So sometimes my honesty may be taken too far, but that's reality for ya. I can't stand people who lie; how can anyone ever trust you? Do you lie to yourself too? Because that's just sad and that's like being in Plato's Cave. (Look it up >> http://faculty.washington.edu/smcohen/320/cave.htm)

4. Alright, so another thing about me is my passion.

I kind of explained this in my last post, but I am just very passionate about what I love. I hate half-assing those things. (I half-ass a lot of things though hehe) I am a fashion major so yes I will judge your clothes. I think style is just such a great way to judge a person - the good kind of judge - before you actually get to know them. People who wear sweats a lot are people who are comfortable with themselves. People who like to dress up a lot and look their best always want people's approval of them and care what people think. And yes I am in that second category.

5. It's hard to talk about myself because even I am not quite sure what I'm all about.

Not to get that confused with I don't know who I am, because I do. I just surprise myself a lot and am very confused by my own thoughts. I have so many different opinions and thoughts and ideas it's just hard to understand myself, let alone other people understanding me. I used to hate it when people hated me because I just wanted everyone to like me. But that required me to change for other people, and that's just not what I'm about.

Here are some pictures to kind of sum up myself:

 

"Truth is we mess up till we get it right; I don't want to end up losing my soul."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_OWwJVGg5lo

What College Has Taught Me..

Apart from all of the actual knowledge that I have gained through my very interesting/boring classes that are shaping me as a human being, I grew wiser through my own experiences.

1. Own up to all your mistakes.

Everyone makes mistakes. Its as simple as that. No one is perfect, no matter how hard I try to be. Sometime we just get caught up in the moment and things happen because we'd rather go with the flow than think. My last post was owning up to the major mistakes I've made lately. It's better to be the bigger person.

2. Motivation is everything.

One of my best friends who is in the army at the moment, gave me some great advice recently. He said that motivation is the key to life. Be motivated to get up in the morning. Be motivated to follow your dreams. Be motivated to always be a better person. Laziness is not an option. Don't wish for it, do it.

3. Take risks.

Life is too short to not experiment with it. Always try something new and shake up your life a bit. Splurge on that dress if it'll make you happy. Try that new restaurant. Take every opportunity. If an opportunity comes along, don't assume another one will come along after it.

4. It's not all about money.

Although I love money and want to be rich someday, I've realized lately that you can't worry about money so much. It should be about enjoying your life and having fun. For instance I had signed up for a class that made me really unhappy and I dreaded it and didn't agree with what the teacher was telling us (it was Philosophy). So I dropped out even though I couldn't get my money back. Now I never have to stress about that class and I'm just happier overall.

5. You can do anything you want.

When I was younger, I wanted to be an actress and model (I still kinda do). And I heard all the time about how its so hard to make it in that industry and most people don't succeed. But over the course of about 3 years I had walked a runway, been in a hairshow, been in a movie, and met people from Hollywood. People are so skeptical about dreams that they make other people not try for theirs. I never let anyone tell me I can't do something because I know that it is possible to do anything, especially if other people are out there already doing what you want to do. It takes hard work, dedication, and thick skin. You're gonna be told no a lot in your lifetime, but all you need is that one person to say yes. Never give up.

"I'm not one for missed adventures, so I answered with a smile." xx
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EZyhmGSFmpg

All Of This

I used to have so many people in my life.

Within the past 3 months I've lost one of my best friends and one of my sisters. (not literally)

It was all my fault, and I apologize.

Mikayla.

I asked her to stop talking to my ex-boyfriend because he was stalking me. At the time, I could only see my point of view and I couldn't understand why she refused to stop talking to him. They were friends but not as long as me and her were friends (17 years). I was being selfish. And now we are no longer friends. I just sat around and waited for her to apologize, but I'm the one who is sorry. I forgive her for choosing my ex-boyfriend over me. We were growing apart as friends, and I think she is better off without me in her life. Mikayla, we've had quite a friendship. Nothing will come close to it.


Breanna.

My sisters and I have never really been close. Breanna and her twin Kelsey were always close and I was just kinda there. But when I moved home from college, we became super close. My friends and her friends would even hang out once in awhile. Then I started hanging out with one of my guy friends alot who also happened to be good friends with Breanna's ex-boyfriend. One thing led to another and one night my sister's ex kissed me. I wasn't planning on telling Breanna because I didn't want her to think that "we" had kissed, because I was taken off guard when this kiss happened and I didn't want to make it a bigger deal than it was. But I suck at lying so I ended up telling her. She blamed it all on me and we've never been the same since. She deleted me from Twitter and Facebook; we live in the same house and never say a word to each other. I apologized to her but she's not the type to see the big picture. She still talks to her ex because she "loves"  him. I would have done anything for her before this all happened. But I have come to realize that I have loved my younger sisters my whole life, but to them, I'm just here for when they need something, like a ride or money. We're sisters by blood but not by relation. These past couple of months I have felt like an only child. I'm the only one I know who isn't close with her siblings. My mom painted the phrase "Family is Forever" on our living room wall but I roll my eyes every time I see it because we've never been that kind of family and never will.


The saying I live by is Let It Be, so that's what I'm going to do now and forever, and may things fall into place how they're meant to be.

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qYeXcLr3NRQ